Speechless
by Amorous-Thunder
Summary: It's useless. How could Cilan ever tell Ash how he feels? Cafemochashipping. One-shot.


**Okay, I've never been a huge fan of cafemochashipping, but after reading _"Tormented"_ by catwiththetattoo, I decided to come up with a cafemochashipping story of my own. Incidentally, I dedicate this story to catwiththetattoo, who had inspired me to write this one-shot.**

**You should probably go read her story, too. It's pretty amazing. :3**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon (so you can stop assuming that I do.)**

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Speechless

_Cilan had given up._

Night after night he had graced the idea of confronting Ash, and night after night the idea had remained but a dream to him.

He had paced back and forth for a long time, and now... He had his back against one tree, slipping his hand through some surprisingly well-groomed hair.

He had never been more worked-up in all his life. He had always dreamed of being the world's greatest connoisseur, but... Always did it seem that Ash would interfere with such dreams...

_Ash..._

How could Cilan _tell_ him?

They were both...

_Guys._

"It's useless..." Cilan sighed. A mental image of him walking up and telling Ash his feelings had now visually deflated from his mind.

In just an hour, the sun would rise and bring another sleepless night to waste. His eyes fled from the night sky and onto Ash, who was sleeping peacefully in the warmth of his sleeping bag.

Why couldn't Cilan just tell him and get it over with? He wanted so badly to nudge Ash from his rest and tell him right then and there that he had some sort of strange attachment to him...

But he didn't stand a chance; and he _knew_ that, too.

He exhaled deeply, trying to build up his confidence.

_It was now or never. __He just had to keep telling himself that..._

He approached Ash's sleeping bag, pacing himself as he did (he didn't dare want to wake Iris from her sleep.) When he drew the covers back, however, he noticed Ash wasn't there at all. What he had found instead was a curled-up pikachu. It was Ash's pikachu, and it was perturbed from its nap, now gazing at Cilan looming from above.

"Pika-pika..." Pikachu said, down-right confused as it continued its stare.

Cilan became awkward, rubbing the back of his head. "Uh-Uhhh... Sorry, Pikachu..." He went to turn around to rid of his embarrassment, but just as he did, Ash was there rubbing his eyes.

"Cilan... What are you still doing awake...?" Ash said in a lacking tone. He sounded very sleepy.

"Oh, you know... Just... Checking to see if you're still awake..." Cilan laughed sheepishly.

"Why...? Do you have something you want to ask me...?"

"Um... Not particularly... But... Why haven't you gone to bed yet?"

"Me and Palpitoad have been training all night long...," Ash said. He brought a closed fist to his mouth as he yawned. He stopped. His eyes looked heavy. "I don't think I can stay awake much longer..." He crawled into his sleeping bag, almost to squash Pikachu in the process. Pikachu had to move away to a nearby tree. It glared at Ash as it curled into another tight ball, eventually to close its eyes in drifts of sleep.

Ash had closed his eyes also. "G'night, Cilan...," he mumbled.

A look of panic came to Cilan's face at once as he shouted, "A-Ah, but Ash! You have a Gym battle today, remember!"

Ash didn't _really_ have a Gym battle today. But Cilan thought that since Ash was so tired, he wouldn't think _that_ much about it. And if he didn't think _that_ much about, then he probably wouldn't notice that he didn't _really_ have a Gym battle today, after all...

Or at least... That's what Cilan hoped. What Cilan really wanted to do was stall Ash a little while longer before he confessed his (weird) feelings towards him.

Ash's eyes halfway opened. "... I do...?"

It was working. Cilan actually made Ash question whether he had a Gym battle or not, and for a moment, Cilan actually felt quite proud of himself.

But his heart was still on the verge of bursting.

He held a finger up, trying to mask a smile. "Yes, um... I can make you something to eat if you'd like. Maybe that'd wake you up a bit?"

"But... I'm not hungry..."

_Ash wasn't hungry?_

"... Y-You're not hungry? But... You _have_ to wake up somehow..."

It sounded like Ash mumbled something, but Cilan wasn't quite sure just _what._ He leaned in towards Ash, his heart throbbing like crazy. "Huh? What'd you say?"

"I said... I'll just do the Gym battle tomorrow..."

_Now Ash was refusing a Gym battle?_

_But Cilan couldn't stop now. He couldn't give in just yet._

"Err... But you can't!"

Ash turned his head back towards Cilan's direction to give him a boring stare. "Why not?" He was a little agitated, receiving hardly any rest, although he knew most of it was because of his training all night long...

Cilan looked in any direction, just so long as it wasn't in Ash's direction. He had to make something up on the spot - and fast. "Err, well, because..." He held another finger up - and faked yet another smile. "You can't do Gym battles on Saturday."

"Huh? I've never heard of that..." Ash said, turning back around.

"Ash!"

Instinctively, Cilan turned Ash on his back - and soon after - he somewhat regretted it. He was now staring at his beloved's face, whose eyes were just as wide as his were. He didn't think he had enough courage to speak much after that, and he thought he would more than likely stay glued to the spot - with Ash underneath him like that.

He hardly even registered what Ash had said when he said, "Cilan? What is it?"

He then blushed faintly. "... Uh... Well, you see... I..." He hardly even heard _himself._

In turn, Ash's cheeks turned a pink. He, too, was a little lost in what to say.

_'It's useless...,'_ Cilan thought to himself. He got off of Ash to sit by him in the grass. He held his head up with one hand. "Ah, forget it...," he whispered.

_Ash didn't feel the same. He couldn't..._

Ash sat up. "You're acting weird, Cilan..."

"Me? I-I'm not acting weird. To be honest, I think _you're_ the one who's acting weird, Ash."

"How so?"

"W-Well... First, you refused to have a Gym battle, and then... You're strangely not hungry. You're almost always anxious for a Gym battle, and usually, you have a big appetite, so..."

Ash looked surprised. "You know all that stuff about me? I had no idea you paid _that_ much attention to me..."

"I-I don't. I mean, I-I do. I mean..."

Looking Ash straight in the face was hard. When Cilan did, his eyes were instantly drawn to Ash's warm, brown eyes, and he became lost in them. He mind went blank and his throat became knotted. His heart skipped a beat - pumping like mad. Needless to say, he was a mess.

But he was almost _always_ a mess when it came to Ash.

Ash attempted a small smile, blushing a bit. Without knowing what further to say, he said, "You don't have to tell me, Cilan. It's fine."

But Cilan only proceeded to stare at Ash as Ash once more laid down into the comfort of his sleeping bag.

After some time, Cilan crawled into the sleeping bag with him. He tried his best to ignore the pounding in his chest, wrapping his arms around Ash gently. He had to keep calm. Because if not, he felt as though he were to mess up.

_He had to be brave._

"Cilan...?" Ash questioned, his eyes widened.

"What I mean is...," Cilan began. The reddening of his cheeks had come back to torture him. He hugged tighter. "I love you, Ash..."

Now Ash's heart skipped a beat.

~END~

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**I think I just choked on a fluff-ball.**

**Did they seem out of character? 'Cause I kinda thought that they did... I think it's just 'cause I never imagined Ash to _really_ be gay, you know?**


End file.
